Monthly Archives: November 2016

Sitting on Balls & Belly Button Beats: 2 Weeks Post Op {WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES}

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Swelling is decreasing but still there. Butt cheeks still aren’t together. Swelling has increased in my lower abdomen but significantly reduced in my hips.

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Two week post op fell on Thanksgiving this year. As you can imagine, it has been a very busy week.

I saw my surgeon to look at a few areas that were bleeding. I’ve been quite concerned about my pelvis. It has black areas and has opened a little. It is also the area I’m most concerned about. He looked it over and told me that everything is healing nicely but I do need to take it easy. He confirmed that he did want me to complete my 4 weeks off of work. The black area on my pelvis is a mix of blood in the surgical glue. He advised to place bacitracin and bandages over the concerning areas. Then he pulled my second drain!!! Again, it felt like a snake crawling out of my back. So creepy. I am so relieved to have that drain gone. It was literally a pain in my ass. (Pun intended lol)

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A little over 2 weeks post op: incision over pelvis. Slightly painful. Not warm to touch though.

Having both drains out means that I have graduated from abdominal binder to bodyshaper which I will be in for the next 4-8 weeks. When I got home, I showered and set out on my challenge. I am not even exaggerating a little bit when I tell you that it took me 45+ minutes and it was like putting on pantyhose that were 3 sizes too small. If you have this procedure, I highly recommend that you do this with assistance. Lisa was at work and I was home alone…and well let’s face it…I so thoughtI could do it myself. Turns out I was right but geez. Once I did struggle into it, it felt great. All my parts were hugged and I felt very secure. At this point, it is not comfortable to be nude, as you feel that everything will fall out. I opted for this type of shaper after of advice from others that have had similar procedures and I don’t have to worry about the top rolling down.

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The bodyshaper struggle be real. Every step of this was exhausting. I worked up a sweat. It was awful.

 

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There is a crotch hole that is not comfortable and I dont feel right sitting on the furniture uncovered. So I put some wonderwoman underwear on and I think it was epic!

I’m trying to be more active. I’m on my own at home but not able to bend for another week (doctor’s order). It is a challenge. I might be slightly stubborn. My mom loaned me her grabber and it has been a life saver. I tire very easily. Mollie and I have gone on short walks after which I feel like I’ve worked a 12 hour shift. The night sweats have stopped so that’s nice.  I’m no longer on pain medication. Extra strength tylenol seems to do the trick but I do require it about every 6 hours.

After 2 weeks of being pretty much home bound, I ventured out. It felt wonderful to get dressed in real clothes. I drove for the first time. I padded myself with a pillow and headed downtown for vanilla extract. I also got myself a manicure. It was a nice treat. The sun felt great and it was nice to get out.

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2 weeks post op: Size medium bell bottom pants and small top. Im beyond amazed with my shape!
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First venture out after 360 Lower body lift 2 weeks ago!

I’m beyond excited about my belly button. It’s so weird to actually see it. With my rolls before, I couldn’t see it–ever! The weird part, you can see my heart beat. Yes. The pulsating from my abdominal aorta. It’s wicked. As I’ve lost weight, I’ve been able to feel it but now you can see it! Crazy!

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Belly button!

 

Overall, I’m healing very well. I’m thankful for the time to recover. As I learned from last time, it takes time and lots of energy. It has been emotionally and physically draining to go through this transformation. Right now, my struggles are: sitting on my butt as it is numb and the left side has not dropped–it literally feels like I’m sitting on balls; activity tolerance; pain in my pelvis; and my buttcheeks have not come together and the incision across my crack is painful and uncomfortable.

This marks the third Thanksgiving without Paul. To say that it is a struggle is an understatement. There are no words that can describe the feeling. On a brighter note though, it has been the best family time I’ve experienced in years.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving lunch at mom’s–just the immediate family. It was quaint. I really enjoyed the time we had together. It’s very rare that we have time all together with schedule and distance that play against us.

Paul’s family opened their home and hearts to Lisa this holiday. It was so very unexpected and literally brought tears to my eyes. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected this. They have religious beliefs against same sex relationships (as previously discussed). And to have them invite my girlfriend into the home of my husband’s family is just amazing. Lisa was beyond nervous but it all went very well. I just love them so much. I’m so lucky to have a family like this.

My mom didn’t invite my dad to Thanksgiving (which is a long story). It was devastating to him but it allowed us (myself and my brother and sister) to have alone time with him. We spent a whole day together. We (really they did because I couldn’t bend enough) played pool, went shopping and had lots of laughs with him. It was a first and very enjoyable time.

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Thanksgiving 2016. Lunch at mom’s. Mom and Jamie protect my incisions from the pups. Movie with the siblings. Pool with Dad and the siblings. Putting up the Christmas tree with Jamie and Jason.

Entering into week 3: I’m excited that I will soon be able to bend. Hoping to become more active and not tire quite so easily. I have to get back into gear as Lisa’s surgery is coming up and then I’ll be going back to work! Time is flying by!!! Love you all!

Holy Butthole, Batman! {WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES}

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MY FLAPS!!!!! And that canister is the fat that was liposuction-ed. Bye Bye “tramp stamp”
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Pre Op (Gastric Bypass 2014) VS Post Op (Lower Body Lift 2016)

Yesterday was post op day 7 and my follow up appointment with my surgeon. I was really excited! It took me over 30 minutes to undress, give myself a whore bath and get dressed. It was quite the work out and very tiring BUT I did it. I was really excited especially since the last 24+ hours has been a struggle with these drains!**side note**

 

**I’m very familiar with JP drains but when it’s yourself, it is another ball game. I awoke and the sides of my pants were saturated. My first thought was that I was bleeding! Eek. I stripped down and my dressings were saturated with serosanguineous drainage. We had noticed previously that the right drained was not sutured in place and wiggled. I tried to tape it down but it was leaking around it. I couldn’t see any clots in the line. The output in the drain had gone from about 90 ml/6hr to less than 10 (probably since most was leaking? I called the office and was told to continue to strip the drains. So we did. My mom is amazing at stripping these drains. Best I’ve even seen. Long story short, if you have this surgery some tips for your drains. Right at the entry of the tube into your body–pinch that tube. Squeeze and let go–squeeze and let go. Multiple times. Even if you don’t see a clot. Then get a damp wash cloth, with your free hand pinch the tube at the end closest to your body, use the damp cloth to strip the tube. Keep doing this until the line is completely empty. My surgeon told me to do it once every 6 hours but sometimes you have to do it more frequently. So I’ve been doing it every time I go pee.**

Anywho…so I got myself all dressed and ready for the doctor appointment. My surgeon was extremely pleased with my progress. He removed my belly button sutures. You could tell that he was very VERY please with my belly button. I am too. More about this later. The right drain that has been troublesome, he removed. It was WEIRD!. He kept telling me not to look but I couldn’t help it! This tube was inside all the way across my lower abdomen and as he removed it, it felt like a snake was slithering around in there. CREEPY! Oh man but I was so very relieved to have it out!!! He said that I’m healing nicely. We will continue to monitor. I’m on a strict no bending or squatting restriction for at least 2 more weeks! He wants me to stand as straight up as tolerated. This is definitely a struggle as my posture is terrible anyways and my abs are so tight and sore.

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Post Op Day 7. Dressed myself and ready for my follow up appointment.

I’ve been amazed at the size of my hips/thighs. I was actually able to wear a pair of Paul’s XL basketball shorts. My curves/lines are sleek and loving em but I’m just like ‘holy hips batman’. The surgeon told me that, of course, I’m still very swollen and the tool that he inserted into the saddlebags to pull up that outer thigh really causes some trauma. So that will subside over the next weeks/months.

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My hips are so big that they hold up Paul’s XL basketball shorts!!

Here’s the REAL funny. I can’t recall if I’ve blogged about it or just told my friends/family, but my butt…it’s crazy. In the hospital, on my first walk, I told my mom that I felt like someone was pushing my butt cheeks up and apart. She looked and was like…that’s exactly what it looks like! Since losing all of this weight, I have lost my butt. I have had a flat, bony booty. Not fun. So this surgery was suppose to help that a little by adding some bulk with my lift. The swelling has separated my cheeks! And…you can LITERALLY see my butthole! OMG it is so weird. And it reminds me of my grandma. She had gastric bypass in the 80s and lost a lot of weight but never had plastics done. Her booty was much like mine. Omg it’s just so hilarious. Today, I tried to clinch my butt-cheeks…nope. Can’t do it yet

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Pre Op VS Post Op day 4

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Holy….BUTTHOLE Batman!

I’m really having a lot a of time to really think about how far I have come. It’s completely unreal. People ask me all of the time how I feel about it. I’m still working on the correct articulation of that right now. I’m in awe of myself. I’m in awe of my life; of what has happened to me and how I’ve come out.

Lisa said last night “You are truly an inspiration. Everyone I share your story with tears up just a bit. It’s so powerful.” To which I responded: Awww. It’s insane. Unreal. I can’t believe I’ve survived. I can’t believe I’ve achieved.

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A 2 year transformation: Pre Op 11/2014. 6 Months post Op. 1 Year Post Op. Post op 2 Years (pre op 11/2016). And now 11/2016 (Post op Day 7)

 

 

 

 

Post-Op Day 6: It’s All So Tight!!

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Surgery day has come and gone. My mom, Lisa and one of my bestest gal pals were all there to send me to surgery. I didn’t sleep much the night before but I was still bright eyed and ready to go!

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The pre-op nurse stuck me twice before a second nurse got me on her first try. My vital signs were withing normal limits but I was sweaty as the nerves took over–especially under my belly and I thought about how this will no longer be an issue. The nurse read a clause of my living will and complemented me on it. My doctor came in and we discussed additional questions the he marked my body.

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Pre Op Lower Body Lift 11/10/16: surgeons marks. On my LLQ he wrote “BYE”

Hugs and kisses right before they took me back and 8 hours later, I woke up in my hospital room with my mom and Lisa by side. The evening went well with moderate pain. They discontinued my foley quickly and getting up the first time was a struggle but I did it with minimal assistance. I was able to walk around the floor. I wasn’t too hungry but did eat a smidgen before bedtime.

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Successfully got myself back into bed!

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The most difficult part came when Lisa had to go. I was so emotional. I just had this rush of feelings that came over me and I couldn’t control them.  I cried and I cried hard. It’s fuzzy but I just kept telling her that I don’t want her to go as Lisa and mom tried to comfort me.  And I ‘knew’ that everything was okay but I just had this collision of feelings processing the surgery day and the surgery day that happened 2 years prior…when I never saw Paul again. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t see Lisa again. Mom eventually just had to tell Lisa to go. And shortly after she left, I was able to calm down and Mom and I chatted all night long.

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First look at my incision

The next morning my surgeon was prompt to come by to check on me. He took down all of my dressings and told me how great everything looked. I looked down and was like “holy hell! I can see my vagina!” The oncoming nurse was there and congratulated me and was excited with me. It was such an emotional moment!

Over the weekend, Lisa took AMAZING care of me. She kept up with all of my meds, emptied my drains, moved the couch so she could sleep next to me, etc. I can’t say enough good things about her.

Everything is soooooo tight! The drains are uncomfortable. I am wearing an abdominal binder and everything itches! My surgeon forewarned me that I wouldn’t be able to walk completely upright for awhile and boy was he right!! I’m really glad that I rented a recliner and that I have lots of pillows because positioning is key!

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I’m lucky to have had my two nurse buddies come by to help Lisa and I with showers. Showering is quite the work out, even with two people helping you. Seeing myself in the mirror this time was not as traumatic as my previous surgery. I had definitely prepared myself for it. It was really odd seeing myself in the mirror. There I stood…no udder. Ive never been able to see my belly button and now…I have a belly button!! Overall, it was exciting and I didn’t cry.

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Sleeping is an issue right now and it isn’t just one thing. It is a combination: I’m in pain, uncomfortable and emotional. At this point, I’m able to do almost everything for myself except for showering and picking stuff up. So I’m hoping to not HAVE to have a overnight sitter by the end of the week. I’m working on building up my endurance, standing more upright and pain management.

Tomorrow is my 1 week post op appointment and I am really hoping to get at least one of my JP drains out.

UDDER Construction! Surgery Day: 360 Abdominoplasty

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My ‘udders’. This a great angle to represent how severely my stomach hangs! 11/2016

Today is the day. I can’t believe that it is actually here. I woke up with bubble gut and is the first time I have felt the anxiety of this surgery in full affect. Today I will have an 360 abdominoplasty or rather body contouring. You can google it if you want the details as to what all that entails. It’s a pretty invasive procedure to remove all of my extra skin from my trunk. It is expected to be a 6 hour surgery with a 1 night overnight stay. I will come home with at least 2 JP drains, be off work for 4 weeks and on restriction for about 8 weeks. I have lots of support set up and I’m so thankful to have such wonderful nursing friends. My mom and Lisa will both be with me today. Mom is staying the night. Lisa is on Mollie duty. I’m so lucky to have Lisa who has without question been my rock. She plans to stay with me for 4 days.

Alot of people have commented to me that I don’t have a belly or that I really don’t have skin to remove. I have addressed this in previous blogs. Ultimately, it is my choice. I have worked extremely hard to accomplish the weight loss and health status that I have today. For those that think that weight loss surgery for a morbidly obese person is the easy way out, you are ignorant. It is a hard thing to do. Anyone who is significantly overweight and who has tried to lose weight already knows the struggle.

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Comparisons of my belly November 2016. They look like UDDERS!
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My belly hangs down about 6 inches at this point. I can’t tell you how uncomfortable this made me to have my sister take this measurement.

This surgery is very emotional for me. As mentioned so many times, I don’t recall a time ever when I didn’t have a belly that hung. I was never that cute pudgy girl that had the pooch. I, instead, got my father’s stomach. A pendulous belly that folds at the top of my pubis and just hangs there. It moves. It’s uncomfortable. It is all too often wet with heat or exercise. And this surgery takes that away for me. On the flip, I am concerned as to what I will see when I look in the mirror. I want to feel like an improved version of myself and ultimately still myself. While I rationally know that I am who I am…the mind, man, it fucks with you.

Paul weighs heavily on my mind today and has for weeks. This is like the exclamation point on my body transformation. And he is missing it. Sure, he doesn’t have to deal with my whining, stubborn self…but he is missing out on the finale. He was such a huge supporter of mine. He truly wanted me to be happy. He saw the gorgeous even when all I could see was adipose tissue. I’m sad that he isn’t here. I’m sad that he hasn’t gotten to participate in the journey. And it makes me anxious that who I see is not who he saw. And that I changed it.

All that aside, I’m living a genuine life. I don’t hesitate to do what I want to do. I set goals and I achieve them. Everything that Paul and I dreamed of, I’m making it happen. I have taken the spirit and essence of who he was and what he stood for and I have made it a part of who I am and how I think. I am proud of that. That gives me comfort. I’ll love him always.

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I shared this picture of me sitting in front of the mirror. Belly tucked, belly out. I love this picture. I feel beautiful. I see in this picture all that I try to hide and that I have really tried to strip away.

This was a huge NSV for me. I can never imagine a time when I would have EVER shown my belly to other people; let alone, social media. I have come a long way. It is just really important to me to be transparent. I have collected quite a few followers (who I am eternally thankful for) and I want them to know my raw struggle. And to know that you aren’t alone.

These progress pictures are INSANE and seem UNREAL! I don’t know which is more unbelievable…that I was that size or that I am now this size. They are both unfathomable to me.  I have certainly come a hell of a way. I’m excited to take this next step.

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Original weigh in shirt!!! Then 295. Now 160.

 

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I want to thank EVERYONE for all of the support. I have truly been overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that has come from my friends, strangers and co workers. It truly is humbling. I can never put to words how this all makes me feel. I’m just so very thankful. And during a time in our world where so much is uncertain; where there is so much hate and hurt; it is refreshing, uplifting and reaffirms my faith in the common goodness of people. I love you all. Stay tuned…